Wednesday, June 8, 2011


he was hiding from the


crouching behind the office desk
he felt the cold plastic of the
in his pocket


he knew he was right

which raised an interesting question

if the

outside thought they were right
and he thought he was right
how could either of them be wrong

that was a question that he and


would go on for hours about



stopped all that now

he was going to stop all of them


never would have approved
and that was why
brought him in

why isn't patrick
more manly
he's not a real boy
you don't suppose he's
he can't be
but what if
no son of mine
would be one of them

look dear
they'll make him

like he should be

so what

so what if they beat him
it'll fix him

so what if they make him feel small

it'll fix him

so what if they tell him he's wrong

it'll fix him

well guess what

it didn't

he found the chord
plugged the player in
stood up
took a breath


always for him

find his favorite song
hit play
hear the drums

'here's the thing we started out friends'
oh how they hated this
he can hear them coming now
to find out which queer was messing up the audio
stopping the hymns

they open the door
and he smiles
this is it
he pulls the trigger
and watches the bigots bleed

'but since you been gone/i can breath for the first time'

door by door
kill them all
leave not a single freak homophobe alive
leave the kids
but let them watch
this is their vengeance

they all go down
this is perfect
they don't know what hit them
they weren't prepared for a shooter
here come the police

he stands on a table
begins to sing
as the cops approach
could sing with the best of them
but he
he couldn't
but he tried anyway
his favorite song this time
he sang as they shot him
everybody's got the right to be happy.
say, enough it's not as tough
as it seems don't be scared
you won't prevail everybody's
free to fail no one can be put in jail
for their dreams free country

bullet in his head
before he could
sing the end of the line

-Means your dreams can come true-

Some Context

Monday, May 2, 2011


Here is a sketch I wrote called Edgy

INT--Office, 1996

Tom, a 30 something producer, is sitting in his office talking on his phone.


Listen here! You've run over budget by.....No! No, I will not listen to you. I don't care what movie you're making, James, I've had enough. Oh, oh Right, yeah, I'm sure that a romance movie about a gigantic disaster will be a HUGE hit. Yeah, yeah, sure, I'm sure it'll make, who did you say it was? DiCaprio? What type of name is that? Not a movie star name, Americans want their films stars to have names that they can recognize, and pronounce. Seriously James, I've had enough. You take your "Blockbuster" about a ship hitting a big chunk of ice to another studio, it'll never make a cent. Goodbye James!

He hangs up and a knock comes at his door and Jo enters.


Mr. Harley?


Tom, please, and you are?


Um, I'm Jo Rowling, we spoke over the phone.....


Oh the woman with the books, please sit down.

She sits.


Now we here at Good Taste Limited are very interested in publishing your manuscript.


Oh, thank you very much.


There are some changes we'd like to make though, very minor tweaks to help it sell more copies, you know.


Alright, I'm always open to suggestions to help improve my work.


Glad you feel that way, you have no idea how many authors come in here and spit in my face when I try to help them.


Really? That's terrible.


Yeah, that Neil Gaiman that all those Gothic kids enjoy? He and Terry Pratchett were very rude to me and they both stormed out. Well enough of that, let us discuss your novel.



She gets out a notepad.


Now I like this school, what's it called?




Mmhm, but that's the problem the name, it just doesn't jump out to me.


Hogwarts doesn't jump out to you?


Nope, I came up with a much better one, that I think better fits the tone of the book. Listen to this, it'll blow your mind, okay....The Castle Of Love.


The Castle of Love.


Mmhm, yeah, I was really proud of it.




Also, the setting...


What's wrong with the setting?


It just won't connect with our intended audience. I think it would be much better if it was set in New York City.


New York City?




But, all the characters are English.


Well, we had a wild idea on that front. How about, to further beat in Larry's....


It's Harry.


No, we think Larry is better, because very few families in the deep south would name their kid Harry.


Deep south?


Yeah we thought it would be genius to have Larry come from the Deep South and so when he meets up with Weed and Alexia....




Weed and Alexia...or Ron and Hermionie as you working titled them.


But, why...wha...Weed and Alexia?


Yes see we thought that it would be much edgier if The Castle of Love was a club in downtown New York which played Dance Punk. And Weed and Alexia better fit that setting.


Weed, what type of...who names their child Weed?


No see they call him Weed because he's a drug addict.


Ron Weasley is a drug addict?


No, Weed Lighting is a drug addict.


Weed Lightning.


Mmhm, also I think it'd sell many more copies if you had Alexia and Larry have a passionate love affair.


You want Harry and Hermionie to have a passionate love affair!?!


Larry and Alexia, yes.


But they're 11! But I suppose you changed that.


No, they're still 11.


But, but.....Eleven year olds don't have passionate love affairs! And they don't go to Dance Punk Clubs! And they aren't bloody drug addicts! Good day Mr. Harley.

She storms out.


They always storm out, authors, so temperamental. Well, this piece of trip will never be published.

He tosses the book in the trash can and picks up the phone


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

In Which I Am Very, Very Geeky

So one of my all time favorite pieces of entertainment, Doctor Who, starts in a few weeks and numerous rumors and teasers have been circulating/released by the writers. So I decided to talk a bit about my thoughts on these teasers and the new trailer.

Spoilers ahead.

At the end of the last season the TARDIS(Time and Relative Dimension in Space, do keep up) was hijacked and blown up by a person with mysterious(and creepy as heck) voice who said "Silence Will Fall" Steven Moffat(the head writer, obviously, how could you ever think any different?) made the clever decision to not just end it there. He continued it on to the next season(the one which starts in a few weeks). All of us Whovians have been speculating for almost a year as to who the voice is.

Another question is, of course, who is River Song(I can't tell you who she is, because no one knows who she is! Geez!) Is she the Doctor's wife?(lame) Is she the Doctor's mother?(less lame but really, really creepy) Is she Amy Pond in another form(lesser lame) Is she the TARDIS(really really odd) Now the cast and writers, in a Q&A yesterday, basically said that the first three are untrue(I assume, they made fun of them and basically said that they were crazy. But who knows? We are in the middle of a massive BBC conspiracy. Trust No One).

Then, last week, it came out that the Neil Gaiman penned episode will be titled The Doctor's Wife. And its description is that a woman(who is not River Song, this has been confirmed) knocks on the TARDIS door. She has a new face but is not new to the Doctor at all. So this raises anticipation for the series to begin even higher.

And then, and then. A few days ago Moffat announced that in the first episode one of the leads will die. He said, "We're not lying, we're not cheating: one of those four people is going to die! When I came up with this heart-wrenching twist, I thought 'We'll kill off one of the leads in the season opener.' It lures you in."

Now we have been promised a death before(CURSE YOU RTD!!!) and were cheated(CURSE YOU RTD!!!) but I trust Moffat more than numerous family members and friends right now so I believe him.

But this raises an issue. In the trailer for the new series we see three of the leads(Amy, The Doctor, and Rory) in other episodes. So this leaves River Song but we've already seen how she dies(Timey Whimey stuff) and it's in a library.

I will now, because I am a nerd with too much time on my hands, dissect the trailer for the new series, second for second.

1: Doctor in Chains, with a beard. A female voice says "this is the doctor's..." The Doctor's what?! Tell me!!!

2. "Darkest Hour" Ohhhh Okay, that makes sense.

3. Shipyard in the future. The Doctor's standing next to a women, who isn't Amy or River song. Could this be his wife? the voice continues "He will rise higher..." Is the Doctor a drug addict? that would be an interesting twist.

4. "Than ever before and then fall" So he's climbing a ladder, okay Mr. Moffat where are you going with this?

5. Someone in the dark, in a cloak leading a horse drawn carriage while a gaslamp flickers. I HAVE IT!! Oh this is so awesome! Neil Gaiman's the long awaited sequel to his masterpiece Neverwhere! Oh My God It'll be so epic, so, so epic. Seriously, Matt Smith beating up angels? Best. Thing Ever! "So Far" The voice says, so it's a high ladder.

6. weird creepy eye. Very creepy eye. It looks pained. Why are you so sad, eye?

7. Weird Creepy Paper Mache doll thing. I don't like this thing, it scares me. Make it go away.

8. Astronaut raising his hand to reach out to us. Where are you going Astronaut man? Don't leave us!

9. "This is the day he finds out" the voice continues "who I am" we see river song kissing the doctor, full on the mouth. This might be why Moffat made fun of the Mother theory. The voice is revealed to be River Song.

10. The doctor is coming into focus and saying gibberish.

11. Still gibberish. It sounds like "Hey, bye, bye, gum" Where is the Gum going Doctor? Where is it going?!!

12. Space thingy.

13. TARDIS flies out of the space thingy, what an intriguing twist, well played sir, well played.

14. Doctor opens TARDIS doors dramatically. Matt Smith is seriously awesome, anyway...

15. "Okay" says Amy. What's okay, why wouldn't things be okay, WHAT IS GOING ON?!!!

16. Amy comes into focus, looking worried, "Where are we" she asks, trying to stay calm.

17. Doctor looks, astonished at the TARDIS console. Where are we Doctor, Where have you taken us?!!!

18. "Where We've never ever been" The Doctor replies, shocked. Bermuda! We've never been there, and I hear it's nice, Snow Cones on me!!

19. Moon Colony thingy. Looks like Bespin, why does it look like Bespin?

20. A gunshot rings out and the Doctor's cowboy hat flies off. All Right, Partner, This Means War.

21. Creepy people standing. Two of them have weird helmety things and spears. It's Aquaman and his minions!! Run IN FEAR!!!

22. The Doctor is wearing a space helment "look how" He says....What A cliffhanger!!! All those reviewers were right!!

23. "this stuff is" the doctor finishes looking like a happy schoolboy.

24. TARDIS console is blowing up. Doctor and Rory are blown backwards.

25. River Song is dancing...WITH A LASER!! She's in a tank top, spinning around, with a red lasery thing. What the heck is up with that?

26. Big Ship, a real ship, must be from the Pirate Episode(yes there is a Pirate episode, Yay!)

27. Quick shot of people screaming(must be the Silents from the First Episode, Somebody said they resemble with the famous painting The Scream) and then some dude with a beard looking worried. Must be from the Pirate Episode(there's some famous guy with a beard in that episode apparently)

28. Porcelain Dolls on the war path, this might get ugly.

29. Door flies open and we see, with creppy light behind it.....A DOLLHOUSE!!! OH MY HEAVENS IT"S A FREAKING DOLL HOUSE!!! THIS IS SO FREAKING EPIC!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

30. Kid Looking Scared. A deep voice says "Fear Me" Okay mate, I will.

31. Doctor looking disdainful, the deep voice continues "I've killed hundreds of Time Lords" Okay mate, now I really fear you.

32. The Doctor still looks disdainful.

33. "Fear me" The Doctor replies, but....Your' Hair's so funny....

34. "I've Killed All of them" Okay now, I do fear you, despite the hair.

35. Doctor being blown off a ladder....This must be when he falls so far.

36. Blue light being shot at Amy and Rory.

37. Creepy doll thing(there seem to be a lot of those) this one is a ventrilquist's dummy, which are innately scary(no joke, and the monkey wind up things that clap cymbals are like the scariest things ever)

38. (the big one, the whole reason I'm doing this) Rory is in...THE 10TH DOCTOR'S TARDIS!!! Yes it is clearly the TARDIS used by David Tennant. And someone is regenerating. Why is Rory in the 10th Doctor's TARDIS? I have no idea....BUT I WANT TO FIND OUT!!!!

39. An eye being pressed to a whole and The Doctor dressed as a sad clown(which by the way ARE FREAKING TERRIFYING)

40. Pirate guy reaching out to touch a mermaid's bubble

41. Mermaid looks unhappy/cruel. Don't trust her, Pirate Guy!!!

42. Minotaur staring into the camera. I like Minotaurs.

43. Hot sandy place. Probably Utah.

44. Amy running, and she glances back behind her....what is she running from?!

45. We don't see because we cut to The Doctor pretending to be a Jedi with his sonic screwdriver.

46. Child's eye looking through a crack in the door.

47. Amy jumping up, she's swinging something....WHAT IS IT?

48. A gun! The Doctor yells no as Amy screams

49. And fires!!

50. "I've been running" The Doctor says, SPOILER!! There will be running in Doctor Who, shocker I know.

51. "My Whole Life" The Doctor continues.

52. Doctor looks shocked and worried. "Now it's time for me to stop." He finishes. No more running in Doctor Who? How can this be?

So there we are....thoughts?

I'll post later with mine. By later I mean a few days or so.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Greatest and The Best: A Tribute To Diana Wynn Jones

A book for children is first of all to enjoy, and after that it can be full of all the other things books can do for children — mostly, I believe, to encourage them to think for themselves.
---Diane Wynn Jones(1934-2011)

An author can become like a close friend or relative. Their prose can be their voice and their characters can be their children. It takes a certain type of author and a certain type of prose to accomplish this. But when it is accomplished it will stick with you for life.

Diana Wynn Jone is one of the greatest writers for children that has ever lived. She has penned fantasy adventures that make the mind race and she has created characters who I love as siblings. Her Crestomanci books are simply and plainly one of the greatest series of stories on the Planet Earth.

She wrote the first book in that series, Charmed Life, in 1977 and it was delightful. She has continued to add books to that series every few(or sometimes every 11) years or so. One might think that a series drawn out over such a length of time cannot continue with a high level of quality. However, the strongest book in the Crestomanci series was released in 2005 and was called Conrad's Fate. I cannot praise that book highly enough and if I have ever been right about anything, read that book.

Another one of Ms. Jones' biggest accomplishments is The Tough Guide To Fantasyland in which she lays out every fantasy cliche that she can think of and dissects it hilariously. If you ever watch, read, or especially write fantasy you must pick up a copy of this book.

When I sat down to write this I was thinking of calling her Princess Diana to reference the Ex-Princess of Wales but Ms. Jones was not a princess she was a queen.

Rest in Peace, Diana Wynne Jones. You shone like a star. The funniest, wisest, writer & the finest friend. I miss you.
---Neil Gaiman

Monday, March 21, 2011

the last enemy to be conquered is pop culture

I would like to share with you a few words about the Fox television show Glee(I promise to be brief). Now this show is very popular among some and rather hated among others. While there are numerous problems with the show(including writing, directing and acting) this show is doing one thing that has never really been done this way before.

On the show there are various romantic relationships that we are supposed to care about. We have the two main characters and various supporting characters(who aren't really supporting but they are less main than the two main characters). Over the past season(we're in the second) things have developed which I would like to discuss briefly(Spoiler warning).

So in the first season they introduce a gay character(Kurt Hummnel played wonderfully by Golden Globe Winner Chris Colfer) and they set him up as having feelings for a straight boy. Thankfully in the second season they have shelved this subplot and introduced a second gay character(Blaine Anderson played by noted Potter fan Darren Criss) for Kurt to have feelings for. But they carefully avoid the trap of having Blaine just be a token love interest. He is a very deep and interesting character(more interesting then any of the straight character by far and away)

There is one scene that symbolizes for me what this show is doing. In their Valentine's episode, Blaine(unaware of Kurt's feelings) asks for his assistance in asking out this boy. And the scene that follow(of the asking out) is played completely, if you will pardon the expression, straight. It wasn't "Oh Look At This Character....HE"S GAY!" it was "Look at this character, look at what he's doing. Take him as a character." It is scenes like that that make me return to Glee.

In this week's episode(spoiler) Kurt and Blaine finally get together and share a kiss. This kiss is just a kiss, like a boy and a girl would share a kiss. It isn't blocked to shock, it's simply a kiss.

Also, recently, another subplot has arisen. Since the beginning of the show it has been established that Brittney(played by Heather Morris) and Santana(Played by Nata Rivera) are the school bad girls. They have slept with tons of guys, blah blah, blah. But what started off as a joke in an episode last year has turned into a serious plotline.

This season Brittney has been trying to have a steady relationship with Artie(Played by Kevin McHale) something she has never done. In the first half of the season we are expected to care about that relationship but recently it has been revealed that Santana and Britney are in a secret homosexual relationship. And just like that the writers shift our sympathies. I no longer want Britney and Artie to work, I want her and Santana to get together openly. How many shows(other than Buffy the Vampire Slayer) suddenly shift our sympathies from a heterosexual to a homosexual relationship?

All this is taking place on a very popular network show(on Fox no less).

Let's take a quick look at Modern Family(another Fox Show). This show is a sitcom about three families and one of them is two gay men and their adopted child. And the show is very popular among Republicans.

On The Good Wife(CBS) one of the members of the supporting cast is openly bisexual.

On The Office(NBC) one of the members of the supporting cast is gay.

On Doctor Who(BBC), one of the most famous children's programs in England, introduced a very flamboyant bisexual character who was so popular he got his own spinoff show, Torchwood(BBC/Starz)

What on television used to be a punchline to a joke(looking at you friends) is becoming mainstream. We have talented writers of Young Adult Fiction writing stories and books with gay main characters(Boy Meets Boy, Will Grayson/Will Grayson, ect). We have bright, funny gay actors becoming leading men(Neil Patrick Harris, Johnathan Groff, Alan Cumming, ect), we have Adam Lambert, an openly gay ex-American idol contestant, who has been invited back on American Idol numerous times after his coming out. We have Lady Gaga, a proud Bisexual and LGBT rights activist, ruling the charts with an iron fist. One of the biggest songs of a few years ago was from an singer named Katy Perry and called "I Kissed A Girl". It isn't just musical theater and folk groups anymore.

A few days back I was talking with my mother about my new screenplay(Gotham) and she asked me why I always have so many gay characters in my work and I answered that, right now, there is a movement to get homosexuality into the mainstream in pop culture. If it becomes mainstream then it's mainstream, the haters will be but a small minority. And the great civil rights battle of my generation will be won.

This, to quote Colin Meloy, is why we fight. Victory is close and the more gay characters are featured on television the closer victory comes.

Homophobia Must Die,

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Spiderman turn off the dark joke

Here is a piece of comic material that I came up with recently.

So I am going up to the big apple next week and I have got tickets to the Spiderman musical. And I know that there are some in the theatre press who have been....less than kind to it. The New York times reviewer said it was one of the worst plays in Broadway history. But, you know, it's just the New York Times, what do they know about culture? No, I have heard two critics praise it to the heavens, and I trust them much more than I trust any critic from the "New York Times". Those critics are Oprah Winfrey and....Glenn Beck. We all know that Glenn Beck is an expert of culture and specifically musical theatre right? His endorsement is enough to make me shell out the 100 dollars for the seat and the 75 dollars for protective gear to go see it. Seriously though, Mr Beck on his radio show totally endorsed it by saying, essentially, "Holy God, they fight!! I mean, seriously, they fight, it's awesome, they sing and then they fight! Who could ever have imagined people fighting on stage?! It has never, ever happened before! Did I mention they fight?!" Yeah, when you mix fighting, the director of across the universe and the lion king broadway musical, puppets, comic books, Bono, high flying stunts, and a Glenn Beck recommendation how could you possibly go wrong?

Action The Pilot part 1

Here is a little sitcom that I have been working on. Think Friends(which was very influential on the writing of this) mixed with Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip(which I used as a basis for the formatting of the script, thank you Mr Sorkin)

The Pilot


Int. Soundstage – Early Evening

We are in a room where one man(the attacked) is sitting at a table, counting money, laughing quietly to himself. Another man(the attacker) bursts in.


He runs toward the other man and grabs him, knocking over the chair. He slams the other man up against the wall.

Why, Patrick, I never took you for a violent man.

The Attacker throws the Attacked across the room, and he slams into the table knocking it over. The Attacker walks over to the Attacked, kneels down and flips out two knives holding them near to the Attacked's face.

Attacker(smiling coldly)
What about now?

The Attacker laughs and moves closer to the Attacked and blocks him from our view. The Music swells and the John's voice cuts in and the music stops.

John Seymour(VO)
And, Cut! All right people that is a wrap, See you all Monday.

The Attacker stands up and the Attacked stands up as well. They slap each other on the back and walk off. The camera pulls back to reveal that we are on a movie set and John Seymour is sitting in the director's chair. John is a twenty something director who is unassuming and likable. John stands up and runs his hand through his hair. He glances at his watch and begins to gather up his papers. Megan Rare, a woman in her early twenties, comes up behind him, holding papers.

Big date tonight?

Oh! Hey, Megan. What did you say?

I asked if you had a big date tonight.

No, no I do not have a big date tonight, or tomorrow, or ever, really. Why do you cont. ask, you interested? (He smiles and raises his eyebrows, letting us know that it is a joke)
Megan(also laughing)
No, I just saw you glance at your watch for the fifth time
in about half an hour. I assumed that you must have something
important tonight.

Yeah, you see, I have been working on this film project
with some friends, and we sent the script to this studio guy
we know and he's supposed to call us tonight to tell us
what he thought, and if we're lucky he'll give us the go ahead
to do it. I was going to direct, it would be my first feature
film, and I really, really like the script my friend wrote.

Who's your friend? Have I heard of him?

Depends, how many underground gay plays have you seen?

Underground gay plays?



My favorite style of entertainment, no weekend would be complete without it.

Both Laugh

Should I take that as a no?

Not necessarily, I have a bunch of gay friends who love theater,
so it is entirely possible that they have told me about him
or dragged me to one of his plays, who is he?

Michael Forster.

Beat while Megan tries to remember if she has heard of him


Cont. Megan
Not a thing, sorry.

It's ok, he's very, very underground right now.

Maybe the movie will be his big break.

That's what I'm hoping, because he is really good.
I mean frighteningly good. (he checks his watch again)
Crap! Sorry, but I need to go.

Go, just tell me Monday what happens.

Of Course, bye.


John runs off and we

cut to:

The Apartment-night

Michael and Harry(a mid twenties man who is Michael and John's roomate) are sitting around a table, staring at a phone.

God Almighty, Why won't it freaking ring?!



You have nothing to do with this film.


So? So, why are you freaking out while
cont. I, the writer of the script in question,
am staying totally calm?


You're heavily drugged?

No, that's not it.

You are a robot and have no emotions?

No, still not there.

You are calm person and I am not?

Got it in three.

Harry laughs and walks over to the refrigerator.

Want something to drink, Mike?

Yes very much so. I would like about twenty shots of Whiskey.

Harry(looking in the fridge)
Hmmm, Seems we are fresh out of highly alcoholic beverages

And on the night we most need them too.

You know what they say, alcohol is like
a girlfriend...

Who says that?


What 'people'?
Cont. Harry
Just People! Can I finish, please?

I'm not sure, the setup “Alcohol is like a girlfriend”
Is not exactly promising.


Oh, what the hell, go on.

Harry(with dignity)
As I was saying. Alcohol is like a girlfriend
there when you don't need it
but in your time of need it runs off
with the bassist from some piece-of-crap
sellout hard rock band leaving you there,


Still screwed up over Stephenie?

No, I've all but forgotten about her.


Stephenie who?


Please God tell me that there is something
intoxicating in this apartment

We have some really, really old apple juice.


What in God's name does that possibly have
to do with what we are talking about?

Cont. Maybe it fermented.


It's worth a shot, give it here.

Harry laughs and tosses the juice to Michael who opens it and pours it into a glass. The door opens and John comes in.

Have they called yet?

No, and we have no alcohol in this apartment,
So I am drinking old apple juice in the vain hope
that is has fermented and turned into ale.

You know you shouldn't turn
to alcohol to solve you problems.

I'm not, I am turning to alcohol to
forget that I have any problems.


Fair enough, pass it here.

John sits down next to Michael and Michael pours him a glass of apple juice. Harry walks forward and accepts a glass from Michael.

Ah, I remember the wild keg parties
I went to in high school. We would have to find
this guy to bring us apple juice.

Funny, When I was in high school I used to fake an id
and then walk into a grocery store to buy apple juice.

For the love of God, please stop.

Harry is ready to answer when, suddenly, the phone rings. They all stare at it for a moment and then all dive for the phone. John gets there first and answers it.

Cont. John(on the phone)
Hello? Ah, yes, Mr Roberts, this is John. How are you?

Drop the pleasantries, drop the freaking pleasantries.

John(on phone)
Me? Oh, I am very well, Mr Roberts, thank you for asking.

(To Harry)
Kill me, kill me now.

John(on phone)
So Mr. Roberts, what did you think of
that script we sent you? Uh-hu, uh-hu,
as, well, of course that was only an early draft...

What the? Oh God, I knew it wasn't ready,
please Harry, just shoot me in the head.

John(on the phone)
Well, that is very good news, sir.
I will start casting right away and
I will also get Mike on those rewrites.
Thank you very much. (hangs up the phone)

We got it?

Like a bad boy rock star gets dates with actresses.

All are in shock until Harry says.

Well this calls from cerebration,
pomegranate juice anyone?

They all stare at him as we fast cut to

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